Conversations With Myself
by geekinthepink
Summary: Hardly any decisions or realizations are actually verbal, most of them are mental, most of them take place inwardly with your own conscience. Sometimes it can even lead to believing that the messy haired Head Boy is more than just a pest to you, and somet


**Chapter One**

September first was the day of all days, it was the day that the sun shone brightly through the shades and cast its own little mysterious shadows upon the room. It was the day that the birds chirped in such a harmony that it was almost poetic and hypnotic; it was the day that was just too perfect.

With a loud grown, Lily Evans buried herself under her pillow, trying to shield herself from the rays of light breaking through the holds of sleep. She had played the façade of a morning person well, well-kempt, ready to learn, etcetera, however outside of school it was a completely different story.

Except for today, because as has been previously stated, today was September first, the day that the return to school was inevitable. Finally pulling herself out from under her pillow, she pushed her hair away from her face and metaphorically smiled at the new day.

With a new alertness she realized that today was the day that she got to face the school as Head Girl. The glittering badge was capturing her rapt attention from the spot on the desk in which she had set it yesterday after giving it a little polish.

After taking a little time to dress in a smart outfit of khaki slacks and a t-shirt, she brushed out her hair and pulled half of it back in a barrette. Breakfast went by with a blur, as did the conversations in the car on the way to the train station.

King's Cross was slightly crowded and the excitement that the redhead had nearly bubbled over the edge. She wasn't quite jumping up and down, but she was grinning from ear to ear. She kissed both her mother and her father on the cheek, hugging her older sister briefly.

"I'll see you all at the end of the term." she said in parting as she waved goodbye, stepping away slowly before disappearing onto the platforms between nine and ten. The scarlet steam engine in front of her glittered in the summer light and she couldn't help but love the sights and sounds of magic that she missed terribly over the summer holidays.

As she pushed her way through the crowd towards the train, the mention of her name captured her attention. "Speaking of hobbies, perhaps Evans got smart over the summer and transferred to Beauxbatons." A familiar male voice rang out and Lily turned her head in the direction of the voice to find Sirius Black speaking with his mates, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew and regrettably, James Potter.

"Hardy har har," James replied dryly, "The rest of us got smart over the summer too Sirius, we're getting you neutered." This apparently was hilarious to the four teenage boys and Lily took this as the perfect opportunity to warn them about their behavior because she was no longer going to take their childishness as Head Girl.

"Actually, I was going to transfer to Beauxbatons, but Professor Dumbledore bribed me with the position of Head Girl to get me to stay." she told them almost sternly, despite the fact that she was just joking. Obviously, it went over their heads.

James looked at her with a smirk and shifted so she could get a good look at his Head Boy badge, however he really wasn't in the mood to be rejected and insulted this early in the day or the year so he excused himself and went to talk to a group of fourth years that had been ogling the handsome Gryffindor Chaser.

Nearly rolling her eyes the conceited boy, Lily turned to Remus. "You really shouldn't let him play with your badge, you know." she advised him.

"I'm not," Remus answered almost sheepishly. "It's his badge."

It took a moment but finally, the redhead was able to crack a smile. "First prank of the year? Harmless enough, I'm pleased."

Sirius laughed obnoxiously, well really, any sound that came from Sirius was obnoxious to Lily. "Don't sound too disappointed, Evans. Prongs is the Head Boy to your Head Girl, this should be interesting enough."

With a huff, Lily stormed off away from the boys, not believing for a moment that James bloody Potter would be Head Boy along side her. It was absurd; it was unfathomable, it was just wrong.

Unfortunately, it appeared to be true as she made her way to the Heads compartment to find James Potter already occupying the room. She scowled and crossed her arms over her chest. "Listen here, I am not putting up with your sorry excuses. You're going to pull your own weight otherwise there will be consequences, understood?" Well, she had decided to start this year off on the right foot, it seemed.

She looked at the raven haired Gryffindor who was sitting there in the compartment, his head behind the latest issue of the Daily Prophet. He didn't even bother looking up, "Lovely to see you too Evans, yes my summer went well, glad to see you haven't changed one bit."

She didn't know whether to be put off by his rude blatant disregard of her statements in favor of his own, or if she should just hit him with his paper now. However, she flopped down unceremoniously on the bench across from him and pursed her lips together as she composed herself. "It's nice to see you, Potter." she managed out forcefully. "Glad your summer was well."

She caught a glimpse of his smirk as he turned the page, over the years she had learned that a smirk from any of the Marauders meant trouble. From behind the black and white printed sports section where Quidditch players flew in and out of the featured photo his voice came once more, "No, you're not."

This was not going to get them anywhere. "I'm just trying to make polite conversation, the least you could do is absorb my lies politely." she said, debating whether or not it was worth all of the effort of fighting with her trunk resting overhead in order to retrieve a book for herself. Normally she would be patrolling the train right now, but she wasn't a prefect anymore. "Should we start working out the patrol schedules for the prefects?" she asked him after what seemed like a year or so of silence.

He sighed, closed his paper and placed it aside, reaching into his inside pocket he pulled out a piece of parchment which had each prefects name on it on one side and a selection of time slots on the other. Lily was pleasantly surprised; she was almost going to express this until he spoke. "Hope that's pulling my weight enough for you Evans." Every time he spoke he reminded her why he was an idiot.

She wisely chose not to say anything and instead just glared at him. "Right, well, I suppose this won't take long then." She appreciated the effort that he had gone through to be prepared for all of this, but she wasn't going to take it easy on him. He didn't deserve for her to take it easy on him. "Now we just need to sort them by what would be the most effective and cause the least amount of conflict." Meaning, no pairing the Head Girl with the Head Boy.

"So basically you want to lock the Slytherins prefects in the dungeon without food." he said dully, never resisting a stab at Slytherin house.

Lily sighed at his childish antics for what seemed like the thousandth time in history. "You see, this is why I cannot stand being in the same room as you, let alone work with you. For one hour, that's all I ask of you, can you please put away your ignorant comments so we can get something accomplished so we don't have to spend any more time together than necessary?"

James, who had been reclined in his seat and acting rather casual about this entire meeting scoffed for one second and leaned in to the middle of the compartment so his face was a few inches from hers, "If you put the one of the 7th year Slytherin prefects with me and give the other to Remus, you pair the others off with Ravenclaws then just make sure there is never on pair of Hufflepuffs on the same duty." Everyone knew that a Hufflepuff would wet itself when faced with the right Slytherin. "We should be fine."

He was in her personal space; she hated it when he was in her personal space. He lingered there a few seconds but eventually sat back in his seat. "Now, read your copy of Hogwarts, A History and try to ignore that I'm in existence...which isn't very hard now is it?" Lily was suddenly extremely aware of the toll that seven years of rejection had taken on the boy, she almost felt sorry except he didn't need to have THAT much of an attitude with her.

The trolley came by and the familiar round faced woman poked her head in, "Anything off the trolly dearies?" Before Lily could respond James placed a few coins on the cart, "Whatever the lady wants please."

Lily scowled at the boy before smiling a little at the lady with the trolley. "I'm fine, thank you." she said, not willing to except anything coming from James Potter, except perhaps an apology for being a complete prat. However, she would feel awful for chiding this boy for even being born in front of the nice lady with the trolley, so she decided to wait. Staring out of the window was just as effective as burying herself behind a book.

As she watched the landscape pass her by through the window she heard James speak again, "Sugar quills, please." She rolled her eyes, sugar quills were her favorite. Hearing the trolley roll away she heard something being dropped next to her. She glanced out of the corner of her eye to see the package of sugar quills. She looked up at the boy; he had disappeared behind the Daily Prophet again.

She knew that saying 'thank you' was the polite thing to do, but she couldn't manage it out as anything louder than a whisper so that's what it remained. However, apologizing for whatever she had said or done to put him in this foul mood was out of the question. Looking back out at the passing landscape she found herself unable to cope with the silence for much longer. "How was your summer?" she asked finally.

The newspaper rustled, "I thought you couldn't stand being in the same room as me, now you're talking to me?" he chuckled lightly, "My summer was fine, and yours?"

Lily hated him. Here she was, trying to be nice and make polite, forced, conversation and he retorts the same way he always did. "Fine." she snapped out. Tired of staring at the rolling green hills, she stood up and began to fight with her trunk in attempt to get herself one of her books. Obviously, the storage was not made for people of her height as she could reach the trunk and the latches just fine, but she couldn't actually see what she was doing. However, she would never ask for help, especially not from the other occupant of the room.

She was suddenly aware of more than just her movement in the compartment, she could tell he was behind her; there he went-- invading her personal space again. His hands reached up to her trunk just as hers retreated to her sides. "Which one?"

Angry with herself for being vertically challenged she muttered a small "Advanced Transfiguration." Stupid wanker probably looked up her skirt as she struggled with the bloody thing.

Before her anger with him could rise anymore the book was in her hands and the newspaper was rustling again. Why did he have to be such a bloody idiot?

Lily sat back down in her seat and opened up to the page that she had left off on, so now the rustling of his newspaper matched her own page turning. She was content in the volume of transfiguration, with the exception that every so often the detestable rustling of pages across from her would pull her out of the utopia of her reading. Looking up at him over the edge of her book, she noted that he appeared to think that nothing was wrong. She did have to admit, the summer had been kind to him. Not that she would ever say that aloud.

After changing into robes, several chapters and a million page rustlings later, the train had stopped. Looking out the window, Lily saw that the landscape had indeed stopped moving. Closing her book and pocketing the sugar quills that she had left sitting beside her, she attempted to yank her trunk down from the overhead compartment it was stowed in.

She heard James let out a sigh and suddenly realized he was behind her again, lowering down her trunk gently for her. She turned around to give him a halfhearted thank you but he had already turned to get his own trunk down. He was such a wanker.

"Well then, I suppose I'll see you later." she said as a way of saying goodbye. Lily dragged her trunk out the door simply, hoping that she wouldn't have to see James Potter until much, much later; however, she knew she was never that lucky.


End file.
